Don’t dream it’s over

Try hard and then, try harder.

It’s been three years since I quit my job with these grand plans of studying, working and living in Australia – looking for opportunities that let my talents shine and further challenged me to discover ones I never knew I had. What was originally supposed to be a great adventure and step towards my career and personal goals, turned into a hard-hitting reality check. Jobs weren’t easy to find and living here was a daily hustle. Homesickness came in waves and the winters were gloomy reminders of lonely lows.

Time has just flown by since and the fact that it’s been a while since I moved here has made me more contemplative. I went around in circles, wondering…what is my life purpose? What am I passionate about? Why am I not moving ahead with what I thought I wanted to do? I guess, there’s no one thing – you change, you grow, you adapt. You don’t just go by the book; you write your own too.

I’ve been the first to point out every downfall and roadblock. But reality check aside, these past three years have also been amazing and such an eye-opener in so many ways. I have learnt and done things I never imagined I’d be interested in or manage – sharing a house with a stranger, cooking, moving to the countryside, working with sheep and cattle, going to concerts alone, solo travel, embracing different cultures – some big and unexpected lifestyle changes. These may seem irrelevant but really, they’ve taught me skills outside of any desk job or cliché success story. It taught me to be patient, resilient and creative to find solutions in difficult situations. It taught me to be empathetic and grateful.

Life lessons come in different shapes and forms. It took all of that and more to finally get ahead of my set ways and pride and think outside the norm. It look many rejections to really think about my purpose and work hard to get to a point where I could action it.

As I see it, after all this time, don’t dream it’s over.

In trying to fulfil others’ check-boxes I kept denying myself the opportunity to grow and truly realise my potential. It took stripping myself off all of those preconceived notions and any pride to let myself really conquer my fears but also showcase my talent and potential.

Don’t let anyone else dictate your journey because they’re not the ones living it. You are and so you should, on your own terms.

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

Moving to Canberra

You live and you learn.

Over the past few months, I felt like I has finally met my new normal. Yet, forces from the universe kept knocking this new normal down, forcing me to get out of my comfort zone and reach for me. And so after months of rejections and unanswered job applications, I finally made it to payroll. 

About three weeks ago, I got on the road to Canberra. Excited about a new job but terrified about the change and disruption it came with. I’ve lived in different parts of Australia; between cities and the countryside. Truth be told, during my previous visits to Canberra, I couldn’t place Canberra’s character and charm. I couldn’t tell where it fit between the big cities and small towns. Small big town? I don’t know. Yet, here I was, ready for the rumble.

In the few weeks leading up to my move, I talked endlessly to my family and friends about how I was on this journey of growth and goals. I was so excited as I told everyone who would listen, that I felt called to pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. To say I was excited for this new chapter in my life would have been an understatement. My friends and family listened and cheered me on, and encouraged me as I shared my fears. But boy, was it exciting.

Few days later, I walk into a house covered in dust and dry leaves. I walked into a into a kitchen full of food crumbs and dirty dishes, and a toilet that hadn’t been washed in weeks. To say I was disappointed and scared for this new chapter in my life would have been an understatement. There were tears I couldn’t control. And in that moment, all I wanted was to head back home. All I wanted was to curl into my partner’s arms. All I wanted was to never ever make the mistake of inspecting a house on a phone call. All I wanted was to not fuck up.

My excitement felt tainted and my mind was so torn. After all my work in giving it all for a job I know many would kill to have, I stood there wanting to go back to my cosy cocoon. 

A few cries, a ton of cleaning and a lot more cursing later, I am grateful to be able to call you, Canberra, home in the last three weeks. In such a short span of time, this house and city has taught me resilience like I haven’t known before and it showed me how to channel my strength within. Truth is, despite the flaws and regrets, my room cradled me as I cried, and had this whole world outside that loved and laughed with me as I found my ground again. This experience allowed me to see my strength and gave me the courage to start this new chapter.

As I strongly believe – you live and you learn. 

I wish I didn’t make the wrong turn but it led me to the right path in the end. I’ve still got a long way to go and everyday challenges to meet. I’ve still got people to curse and counters to clean. But these challenges have been temporary; the satisfaction of overcoming them however, leaves a lasting smile and a very grateful heart.

Photo by Dmytro Danylyk on Unsplash